Sunday, April 25, 2010
I wish I had other things to blog about
I would imagine my constant bitching and whining about things that I could totally be mostly in control of has got to wear down on my readers. I never have much else to blog about. I am going to make it a point to at least once a week sit down and blog about something good in my life because my life isn't all bad. I just have no one to bitch about this stuff to , I mean I could bitch to Rex about it but I just hate that we've got so much on our plate already so bitching to him about this stuff just weighs him down even more. So I bitch here. You guys do know you can tell me how lame, whiney, or bitchy or even annoying I'm being, it's ok. I don't have more than a few people who may or may not even read this so feedback, negative or positive is good. Thank you for putting up with me :)
How far into my life do you NEED to cause issues?
So this stupid problem I'm having with this stupid friend who, yes, I know, I need to just get rid of. This is becoming a bigger issue. Yesterday she didn't ask if her kid could stick around and play she TOLD me her kid was going to stick around and play. I don't mind being asked if things are ok to do when it involves my time and my life but it does bother me if you TELL me that this or that is going to happen.
Still I wasn't going anywhere or doing anything so it wasn't a big deal. SO I thought.
It was, Rex is mad. He's sick of people telling me rather than asking me to do things for them. I know it makes me a door mat and a putz , I'm just way too tired and undermedicated for me to make a big issue of anything right now. So Rex is so sick of this that he's made it an issue between the two of us. This is actually where I've been backed into a corner pretty much and now have to say something because now its effecting my marriage.
I just wish people would think. That would be nice. Think about being considerate toward people who are doing you favors, more than one at this point.
Don't tell people what's going to happen, ask them, it comes off a lot better in the end.
Still I wasn't going anywhere or doing anything so it wasn't a big deal. SO I thought.
It was, Rex is mad. He's sick of people telling me rather than asking me to do things for them. I know it makes me a door mat and a putz , I'm just way too tired and undermedicated for me to make a big issue of anything right now. So Rex is so sick of this that he's made it an issue between the two of us. This is actually where I've been backed into a corner pretty much and now have to say something because now its effecting my marriage.
I just wish people would think. That would be nice. Think about being considerate toward people who are doing you favors, more than one at this point.
Don't tell people what's going to happen, ask them, it comes off a lot better in the end.
Friday, April 16, 2010
you know what's funny?
First off that I'm not here to bitch today.
I bet you guys think that's pretty damn amusing and amazing.
But really, I was just thinking about how the first couple weeks that Rex and I were together I didn't really know whether or not I really wanted to be with him. Yeah he was this really really REALLY sweet guy but he, well he was kind of a dork, not that it's a bad thing, I mean hell, I'm a dork but there were just some things about him that i didn't know if I could over look or get past or whatever. The funny thing is that those things have either just gone away or I've just gotten so accustom to them that I don't even notice, I think a lot of it had to be him being nervous around my friends/ roommates. You know, wanting to make sure he got their approval. I guess. But I think back to who he was then (and who I was then) and who we are now and it's so funny to think how different we were apart and as a couple. I mean yeah there are the obvious changes, marriage and kids will do that, but just doing a lot of growing up together.
I am so lucky to have him, I can honestly say that I've never been so in love with someone in my life. It's not consuming like the movies and books say "it should be" but at the same point it's better than that. I look at him on a day to day basis and he makes me smile in the silliest ways possible. I look at him and marvel at the fact that I love him so damn much. I can look at him and know that there's no one else I'd rather be with.
We've been together for 4 years and 8 days and you know what's funny? We've only spent 1 day apart. Sure, we've had fights, what couple doesn't. They've never been so bad that we haven't worked things out within the duration of the fight, and it's not who's giving in to the other, we actually compromise over whatever the issue is. They're never these knock down screaming crying fights that I've had with previous boy friends or sig. others. They aren't either one of us is getting our way or we'll drag this fight out. They're more so on the side of heated discussions which rarely happen. I never stay mad for any amount of time. We've never discussed breaking up or had the feeling that we needed to. I couldn't picture my life without him, not even for a second.
I told someone and I think I may have even blogged about it that he makes the crazy in my head quiet. I feel an amazing calm when I'm around him. I'm secure and happy with what we have. I've never been 100% secure with any relationship. There's always been that little question nagging the crazy in me in the back of my head. You know the one that makes you wonder if your sig other has a wandering eye or you know, a wandering appendage. lol. I've never really had that with him.
We weathered such a huge storm when we got together that by all means should have broken us up from the git go. If you look at all the crap we had to deal with in the first year you would have thought we were doomed from the moment we met. From my dad passing away, working in that crazy crazy bar, Ben passing away and the whole load of extra crap that was piled on because of that, his mom being less than fond of me, crazy drunk roommates, his grandfather having a stroke, a miscarriage, and moving not once but 3 times in the first 2 years. That kind of stress can really put a strain on any relationship. But we made it through all of that and we've been truly blessed.
Like I said I look at him every day and I'm amazed that he loves me as much as he does. It amazes me how much I love him in turn. We might not have a lot, when you look at us on paper, you know, financially or materialistically , used cars, used tvs, crappy couch, over priced rent, living pay check to pay check but the one thing we have is a wonderful family -kids, dog, us. And that to me is worth more than I can even begin to express.
I bet you guys think that's pretty damn amusing and amazing.
But really, I was just thinking about how the first couple weeks that Rex and I were together I didn't really know whether or not I really wanted to be with him. Yeah he was this really really REALLY sweet guy but he, well he was kind of a dork, not that it's a bad thing, I mean hell, I'm a dork but there were just some things about him that i didn't know if I could over look or get past or whatever. The funny thing is that those things have either just gone away or I've just gotten so accustom to them that I don't even notice, I think a lot of it had to be him being nervous around my friends/ roommates. You know, wanting to make sure he got their approval. I guess. But I think back to who he was then (and who I was then) and who we are now and it's so funny to think how different we were apart and as a couple. I mean yeah there are the obvious changes, marriage and kids will do that, but just doing a lot of growing up together.
I am so lucky to have him, I can honestly say that I've never been so in love with someone in my life. It's not consuming like the movies and books say "it should be" but at the same point it's better than that. I look at him on a day to day basis and he makes me smile in the silliest ways possible. I look at him and marvel at the fact that I love him so damn much. I can look at him and know that there's no one else I'd rather be with.
We've been together for 4 years and 8 days and you know what's funny? We've only spent 1 day apart. Sure, we've had fights, what couple doesn't. They've never been so bad that we haven't worked things out within the duration of the fight, and it's not who's giving in to the other, we actually compromise over whatever the issue is. They're never these knock down screaming crying fights that I've had with previous boy friends or sig. others. They aren't either one of us is getting our way or we'll drag this fight out. They're more so on the side of heated discussions which rarely happen. I never stay mad for any amount of time. We've never discussed breaking up or had the feeling that we needed to. I couldn't picture my life without him, not even for a second.
I told someone and I think I may have even blogged about it that he makes the crazy in my head quiet. I feel an amazing calm when I'm around him. I'm secure and happy with what we have. I've never been 100% secure with any relationship. There's always been that little question nagging the crazy in me in the back of my head. You know the one that makes you wonder if your sig other has a wandering eye or you know, a wandering appendage. lol. I've never really had that with him.
We weathered such a huge storm when we got together that by all means should have broken us up from the git go. If you look at all the crap we had to deal with in the first year you would have thought we were doomed from the moment we met. From my dad passing away, working in that crazy crazy bar, Ben passing away and the whole load of extra crap that was piled on because of that, his mom being less than fond of me, crazy drunk roommates, his grandfather having a stroke, a miscarriage, and moving not once but 3 times in the first 2 years. That kind of stress can really put a strain on any relationship. But we made it through all of that and we've been truly blessed.
Like I said I look at him every day and I'm amazed that he loves me as much as he does. It amazes me how much I love him in turn. We might not have a lot, when you look at us on paper, you know, financially or materialistically , used cars, used tvs, crappy couch, over priced rent, living pay check to pay check but the one thing we have is a wonderful family -kids, dog, us. And that to me is worth more than I can even begin to express.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
UN BELIEV ABLE
No seriously.
What part of I am having a baby and WONT be able to watch your kid the day after I get home from the hospital doesn't make any sense?
What part of I'm going to have my tubes tied (surgically) and WONT be able to watch your kid for at least a week doesn't seem like a possibility?
OH YEAH and what part of my MOM and my AUNT( who I haven't seen in almost 10 years) are coming to visit me from this date to this date and I WONT be able to watch your kid then either (I'm giving you a months warning) DONT you understand?
I mean seriously folks, How is it that these are me being inconsiderate?
Who the hell would even ask their friend that?
I'll tell you who. (I bet you knew that was coming) Someone who apparently has absolutely NO CONSIDERATION for anyone elses life.
It just goes back to the same bitch and gripe I've had. Why the hell would you get a third shift job and expect your extremely pregnant friend to watch your kid when there's no one else that can do it?
Wouldn't you get a day shift job since there are people around the neighborhood who can and will watch your kid for cheap during the day and not leave the responsibility of your pregnant friend who could literally go into labor at any time to find someone to watch your kid when she has to get a hold of her extended family to watch her own kids if she goes into labor.
Then what happens? You sleep all fucking day and ask who? who? to pick up your kid at the bus stop? That's right, the same friend.
I AM SO SICK of being treated like a door mat.
Yeah I know Michelle, that's your title right? lol. I joke.
But seriously, the thing that sucks the most about this is AFTER , like a month after I have the baby I wont mind watching her damn kid. But I mean come on, why in anyone's head does this make sense until then. It doesn't to me. I know it's my fault because I'm a spineless weenie who doesn't like to piss people off or hurt their feelings. I just wish that someone , or more so Jess, would consider how this is to me and that she might make me feel like an asshole to say no because "she doesn't have anyone who can watch her kid 3rd shift but me"
Really I wouldn't mind doing it you know even for free if she didn't just spring this shit on me and make me feel like if I don't give her a hand that I'm a bad person.
I know you guys are so sick of hearing me bitch. I would be too.
I just don't understand people. Ya know?
What part of I am having a baby and WONT be able to watch your kid the day after I get home from the hospital doesn't make any sense?
What part of I'm going to have my tubes tied (surgically) and WONT be able to watch your kid for at least a week doesn't seem like a possibility?
OH YEAH and what part of my MOM and my AUNT( who I haven't seen in almost 10 years) are coming to visit me from this date to this date and I WONT be able to watch your kid then either (I'm giving you a months warning) DONT you understand?
I mean seriously folks, How is it that these are me being inconsiderate?
Who the hell would even ask their friend that?
I'll tell you who. (I bet you knew that was coming) Someone who apparently has absolutely NO CONSIDERATION for anyone elses life.
It just goes back to the same bitch and gripe I've had. Why the hell would you get a third shift job and expect your extremely pregnant friend to watch your kid when there's no one else that can do it?
Wouldn't you get a day shift job since there are people around the neighborhood who can and will watch your kid for cheap during the day and not leave the responsibility of your pregnant friend who could literally go into labor at any time to find someone to watch your kid when she has to get a hold of her extended family to watch her own kids if she goes into labor.
Then what happens? You sleep all fucking day and ask who? who? to pick up your kid at the bus stop? That's right, the same friend.
I AM SO SICK of being treated like a door mat.
Yeah I know Michelle, that's your title right? lol. I joke.
But seriously, the thing that sucks the most about this is AFTER , like a month after I have the baby I wont mind watching her damn kid. But I mean come on, why in anyone's head does this make sense until then. It doesn't to me. I know it's my fault because I'm a spineless weenie who doesn't like to piss people off or hurt their feelings. I just wish that someone , or more so Jess, would consider how this is to me and that she might make me feel like an asshole to say no because "she doesn't have anyone who can watch her kid 3rd shift but me"
Really I wouldn't mind doing it you know even for free if she didn't just spring this shit on me and make me feel like if I don't give her a hand that I'm a bad person.
I know you guys are so sick of hearing me bitch. I would be too.
I just don't understand people. Ya know?
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Things are a ok but boy I don't understand anyone anymore
Why oh why if you know that I don't like my mother in law and you're MY friend, even though I referred you to her for a hair person because I know you need clients and you're just that good, would you give baby clothes to her for me when she lives in Zanesville and you live like 15 minutes from me? I won't see those clothes for a while.
I also don't get why my mother in law wouldn't just drop them off after her hair appt (in town) before she went home.
Like I said I don't understand people. That's all.
I also don't get why my mother in law wouldn't just drop them off after her hair appt (in town) before she went home.
Like I said I don't understand people. That's all.
Friday, April 2, 2010
So let me ask you
Scenario~ Your friend is 33 weeks pregnant( that's 7 weeks from her due date, 6 if she makes it to her induction date, that's to say she doesn't go into labor early) You've decided to take a job as a night stocker and want her to watch your kid. Are you expecting your friend to watch your kid when she gets back from the hospital? WHY in the name of all that is good in this world would you take a position that requires you to rely on only one person? There IS NO ONE else who can watch your kid during these ridiculous hours , your friend will be in the hospital a minimum of 3 days provided nothing goes wrong and she has a normal delivery, are you expecting her to just jump right back into watching your kid so you can work?
What I want to know, is how the hell do you justify this in your own head that it's going to be ok, not realizing that you're going to lose your job and blame it on your friend cause you're a psycho hose beast and took a job that isn't really an option as far as child care goes. How does this make sense? Especially if your kid doesn't (I know she wont) want to comply with how your friends house is ran. Early bed times, actual rules, someone WHO WONT baby your 8 year old because they're a whiney spoiled brat, who is too freaking tired all the time and has a challenge enough taking care of her own kids at this point because she's so freaking pregnant it's ridiculous.
Where the hell does this make sense?
Honestly, I'm having a hard enough time trying to find someone who can watch my kids while I'm in the hospital, I sure the hell wouldn't as a recently post partum friend to still watch my kid overnight when they have a toddler, a 9 year old and a brand new baby to take care of.
I think she's expecting that some how I can just magically do all this and is going to pitch a fit and be a bitch when I tell her that I wont be able to when the new baby comes. How is it fair to me to have to deal with this bullshit or for that matter to be put in this situation.
Why wouldn't she have taken a day time position where she has other options as far as people to watch her kid go?
What I want to know, is how the hell do you justify this in your own head that it's going to be ok, not realizing that you're going to lose your job and blame it on your friend cause you're a psycho hose beast and took a job that isn't really an option as far as child care goes. How does this make sense? Especially if your kid doesn't (I know she wont) want to comply with how your friends house is ran. Early bed times, actual rules, someone WHO WONT baby your 8 year old because they're a whiney spoiled brat, who is too freaking tired all the time and has a challenge enough taking care of her own kids at this point because she's so freaking pregnant it's ridiculous.
Where the hell does this make sense?
Honestly, I'm having a hard enough time trying to find someone who can watch my kids while I'm in the hospital, I sure the hell wouldn't as a recently post partum friend to still watch my kid overnight when they have a toddler, a 9 year old and a brand new baby to take care of.
I think she's expecting that some how I can just magically do all this and is going to pitch a fit and be a bitch when I tell her that I wont be able to when the new baby comes. How is it fair to me to have to deal with this bullshit or for that matter to be put in this situation.
Why wouldn't she have taken a day time position where she has other options as far as people to watch her kid go?
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Crappy birthday to me
yeah I know you guys are probably sick of the pity party I seem to have or my bitching because what kind of person bitches and whines this much right?
Today I turned 37, not a huge freaking deal but I would have thought that maybe some family would have sent cards. I did get a ton of love via facebook though. that was nice. My lovely daughter didn't call me, I got a lame freakin email last minute saying sorry she hasn't called she's been really busy. WTF is that. It would have taken her just as long to freakin call me as it did to send me that stupid email.
It would have meant the world to me since she hasn't called in months. I just get really short ended emails like she's either not allowed to talk to me or has been fed some sort of bullshit about me that would make her not want to talk to me. All I know is that the one thing in the world I wanted today was to hear her voice and know that she's not being all weird. That's it, not too much to ask right?
On top of all this my mother in law neglected to give Tristan and phone and remind him to call me. Just because I wanted to be kid free for the weekend didn't mean that I didn't want to hear from him on my birthday.
You add to that the fact that Rex has been asleep since 9. Yeah, I think I would have done better just going to bed at 8 or not getting my hopes up that maybe he'd stay up and watch a movie with me or something like that.
I guess that was a bit too much to hope for.
I'm just really fucking depressed right now and I know it's probably stupid and probably half because I'm not on my medication. It sucks either way.
Next year I'm not even going to acknowledge that I've gotten older , it's just going to be another day. Then I wont have any reason to be disappointed.
Today I turned 37, not a huge freaking deal but I would have thought that maybe some family would have sent cards. I did get a ton of love via facebook though. that was nice. My lovely daughter didn't call me, I got a lame freakin email last minute saying sorry she hasn't called she's been really busy. WTF is that. It would have taken her just as long to freakin call me as it did to send me that stupid email.
It would have meant the world to me since she hasn't called in months. I just get really short ended emails like she's either not allowed to talk to me or has been fed some sort of bullshit about me that would make her not want to talk to me. All I know is that the one thing in the world I wanted today was to hear her voice and know that she's not being all weird. That's it, not too much to ask right?
On top of all this my mother in law neglected to give Tristan and phone and remind him to call me. Just because I wanted to be kid free for the weekend didn't mean that I didn't want to hear from him on my birthday.
You add to that the fact that Rex has been asleep since 9. Yeah, I think I would have done better just going to bed at 8 or not getting my hopes up that maybe he'd stay up and watch a movie with me or something like that.
I guess that was a bit too much to hope for.
I'm just really fucking depressed right now and I know it's probably stupid and probably half because I'm not on my medication. It sucks either way.
Next year I'm not even going to acknowledge that I've gotten older , it's just going to be another day. Then I wont have any reason to be disappointed.
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