I think I'm done venting for the rest of the year

I've vented til I'm blue in the face and now it's time to rest.
Mind you I do have a few gripes here and there but those can be saved til next year when I feel they're worthy of griping about.
I got my daughter early cause the power was out down in WV, karma stepped in and 5 minutes before I got there to pick her up the power went back on. So I got her for Christmas and that's what counts. That'll show them to try to keep her from me on the holidays. lol.

I had a good christmas morning and now it's time to finish my cooking and have a good Christmas evening and rest when it's all said and done


Merry Christmas to you all!

Who ever reads this that is.

The bus stops here

I know you're probably really sick of hearing me bitch. Lord knows I'm sick of bitching. So because I try to help people I just feel like I'm being taken advantage of, totally walked all over. I loaned Jess my van today so she could get groceries and guess what? It's almost 2pm. I put my key where she could get it at 9am. Now correct me if I'm wrong but dont you think if you're borrowing, key word being BORROWING, your friends van that you'd go get it as early as it was available and then NOT be out til 2? It just seems to me that if you needed the van that long you would have said, hey I need to take your van for like 5 hours. Not can I borrow your van to drop off laundry and get groceries? It's bullshit and from now on out, I'm not doing anything nice for anyone. I'm sick of the bullshit and I'm sick of feeling like an asshole for wanting to use MY van and I'm sick of feeling like an asshole for wondering where MY van is when it's almost 2 and I have to get the kids at 2:30, HER kid included btw. I dont have to be nice and pick up her kid and drop her off. I dont. I don't have to be nice and pick up her kid in the morning so they don't have to walk to the bus stop. I don't. I do because I don't want them to have to walk in the cold morning air and I pick her up cause it's just a few minutes from my house and again it's cold. So why am I being made to feel like an asshole because I am not in the mood to have to wait all fucking afternoon to get MY van. Does that make me an asshole?

No really, Are you FUCKIN SERIOUS?

I don't know why Jess wants to pick fights with me. I try to offer her what I think is the explanation on why they were trying to pull their medicaid because the job and family services didn't have Jess's husbands info so they could find out if they were ripping off the system or not. She gets mad at me. Seriously? As soon as her husband is up here I am writing her and all her drama off. I am not a punching bag. I didn't ask to be someone's punching bag just because things aren't working out the way they want them to. I'm not job and family services and I don't know why they would try to pull her medicaid. Again, I'm not the fucking enemy. I will be so glad in 5 days when her husband gets here and I can just be done with it. It's not my problem any more. She has been so mentally abusive toward me and all I've tried to do was help her. No more. I am having her phone shut off at the end of the month, if she needs one she can get one on his plan. I'm not paying for a phone for someone who is just flat out mean to me. I'm sorry the state wants to make sure that Nessa's dad is her paternal father. I am not the state, I don't know why they want to know for sure. I would imagine it's because so many people abuse the system and you don't have to be someones biological parent to be on a birth certificate. I know this, hell you could put Mickey Mouse was your child's biological father if you really wanted to. Doesn't mean that you pro created with Mickey Mouse now does it? I just keep telling myself this nightmare is almost over. I thought she was starting to be pleasant again because of yesterday, my bad.

SO I'm just wondering

If you are going to act like you aren't friends with someone and only contact them when you NEED something, why would you feel that it was ok to still ask to borrow their vehicle or take your kid to and from the bus stop or for that matter ask them to take you to the airport (when they have other things going on) to go pick up your husband. I just want to know where in someone's head this is acceptable behavior. I just think if you're not going to act like you're friends with someone, why would you think it's even ok to ask or assume that they owe you something so they have to?
I just don't understand. I wouldn't dream of asking someone I treated badly or didn't care to hang out with socially whether I moved to live closer to them or not, I wouldn't fathom the idea of asking them for favors and not just little favors. I have to be at Rex's company Xmas party a week from this Saturday and Jess's husband is flying in from Kansas and of course I'm supposed to drop everything I'm doing to pick him up from the airport. The only reason I agreed to was because it's not this guys fault that his wife is a raving lunatic and he needs to get home from the airport. I don't know him from jack but again, it's not his fault his wife is treating me like crap.

just a couple things to vent about

First, the news is fucked. That's all I have to say about that. Yesterday they were talking about this HS kid who got hit by a train and followed it up with with it was on the eve of his HS football championship. Honestly Who the fuck cares about the stupid championship, this kid got hit by a train. Ya know?
Second, People are assholes. We were out shopping with the boys last night and went to Kohls and there weren't any of the shopping carts with the stroller seat attached to them. However there were people without kids using them. Not just using them but watchin people try to carry infants and toddlers around and shop with a regular cart and not offering to trade carts with them. How fucking rude is that?
That's my rant for today, now back to the hustle and bustle of rude people and christmas shopping.

You know whats annoying

Is that I am getting really sick of being expected to go here and there and loan out my van when I have things to get done because if I hadn't asked Jess to go out the night her van got hit then it would still be running, not really the sensors are all jacked up and that's something that apparently was going when she bought it. But I still feel responsible for it and her so guess who just has to say ok instead of no when I want to? I really try to be a good friend but it's frustrating when you're loaning your vehicle to someone who doesn't put gas in it and when they use it to go to the store it takes them 3 to 4 fucking hours. Who takes that long to get groceries when the store is right up the freaking street? It doesn't take that long. I have to get groceries to feed a family of 4.5 and it takes me maybe an hour, hour and a half tops. She is feeding a family of 2. That's it. 2 , her and her daughter. How the hell does that take 3 to 4 freaking hours? I take her to doctors appts, pick her up, pick up her kid to take to and from the bus stop every day, I let her use my washer and dryer and use my van to transport her laundry, and she still treats me like I'm the enemy half the fucking time. I'm pregnant, I'm tired, I am tired of giving a shit. I really am starting to regret her ever moving here.
We might be moving to Zanesville after our lease is up because it is closer to all the old people who are getting so old that they need help with stuff , its closer to family (rex's) and its much more cost effective for us to live there. and what do I get? Grief from Jess because I wont tell Rex no we can't move there for completely understandable reasons. He is my husband and our sole provider of finances and the love of my life of course I am going to move where he feels we need to especially when it's going to help us financially as well. We're barely keeping our heads above water living in this house, I would like to be able to not stress out about rent and bills for once in my life. It would be so good for my family and my mental health as well.
I am sorry I just use this blog to vent. I don't feel like I really can anywhere else.
Hey in some good news, I have an appointment on monday to find out what variety of baby I am having.

Seriously?

I feel like I'm under attack. My "best friend" I use that term in quotes because she doesn't act like it sometimes, told me today that her inner ear infection was because my dishwasher broke down a few weeks ago and there was water in it for a week, well since then it's been drained and ran on high heat mind you, several times. She told me she has antibiotic resistant strep. This hasn't been diagnosed by a doctor. This was her own diagnosis. So I don't let this bother me, I apologize, she sends me a text that says that she doesn't think I know how to disinfect anything or that I even care to. What kind of bullshit is that? So rather than playing on the defensive I just let it blow off. Ok not really but I'm not in the mood for this to escalate to some sort of major drama. So what it boils down to is that her being sick, which has NOT been determined why, is my fault because I'm a filthy unsanitary person. If she really thinks that then why does she come hang out and use my dishes? Why is it that no one else that used the dishes in the dishwasher last week got sick except her? This includes my mother in law, step father in law, and grampa and and AND the kids and Rex? Why do none of them have strep or ear infections? Doesn't it seem strange to you that no one else has any problem except for her? Call me crazy but it just seems to me that if my dishes were covered in some bacteria that everyone that used those dishes would have gotten sick. Dont you think? I'm just not about to deal with this , not like the last time she blamed whatever was going on , on me. I think I just need to take a step back and not talk to her for a week or so. It's just really insulting that someone who has lived in your house (rent free) uses your washer and dryer on a week to week basis, sometimes the detergent as well, comes over to eat here and there, and you drive everywhere they need to go without complain, wouldn't say shit like that. If my house is so freakin unsanitary then why would you come over here? Is my kitchen a mess? Sure it is. I spend most of my free time doing homework and chasing Ethan around trying to get his messes cleaned up, I buy paper plates. I was pots and pans, but I still have a sink full of dishes. There is no secret there. Would I like it to be cleaner? Sure I would but until I have a little more free time and a properly functioning dishwasher, that I don't have to wash everything in it 4 times to know its clean, don't criticize my house when I know your house is just as freakin bad. It just makes me want to be really bitchy and do things like shut off her cellphone that she talks to her husband to everyday on that is on my account. I have enough shit on my plate being pregnant, going to school full time and being a full time mom that I shouldn't have to worry about the rest of the world as well. She got mad because I had a HUGE migraine the other day , not a headache, those are tolerable, a migraine and yeah I was bitchy and pissed off that she wanted to go to the store and then took forever while I waited in my van in excruciating pain, all I wanted to do was go home , put Ethan to bed and try to sleep through the pain. Did that matter to her? Hell no. She took her sweet ass time. I know you're thinking I should just cut this person out of my life. I probably would if I hadn't known her for 20 years. If I didn't owe her a ton of money. or if she didn't move here just to live near me. I have a huge guilty conscious about the money and her moving here and it is what drives me to take her places when she needs to , plus i feel responsible for her van not running even though it turns out that what's wrong with it has nothing to do with the minor accident we had in it. I still feel responsible if she needs to go to the store or get prescriptions or get movies or anything. I just know that if I see her later she's going to act like she didn't say those things to me and that they didn't hurt me. I am sorry she's sick, I'd feel even worse if it was because of my dishwasher but blaming me before a doctor gives you a diagnosis doesn't do anything but drive a huge wedge between she and I and I end up walking around with a huge chip on my shoulder and let me tell you , those bastards are heavy.

Oh my shrinking head

I go see my psychiatrist today. Woooooooo! This couldn't come at a better time considering I feel like I'm going to have a melt down after hearing that my daughters father would be as cruel as to use her visiting me for Christmas as a punishment for her bad grades for being out of school because she had mono.

damn damn damn crap

I am seriously going to lose my freaking mind. Neoma's dad has now threatened to not let her come here for Christmas because she's still grounded for getting a few bad grades. What kind of crap is that? I just don't even know what I can do at all. I've spoken with one lawyer that says I haven't established my parental rights to her. I gave birth to her and she lived with me on and off til those people took her down to wv and swore they were bringing her back and then didn't. FUCKIN bullshit. She is miserable down there and wants to move here and her great aunt that they live with thinks that she would be better off with me so does her great uncle that lives there as well. However her "Mawmaw" and dad have it in their heads that she should be there where her dad smokes pot at the home and she gets second hand smoke from sleeping in a room with "mawmaw" Her dad also sleeps all the time so tonight I asked what she was having for dinner, its after 7 , her dad is asleep, she has to make herself ramen.
I swear I wish someone would just call CPS and report drug use in the home. I wont because I love Maxine, her great aunt, and don't want her to deal with any grief. I just don't freakin understand how they play these mental games with her. They can't see what is going on, she wants to live here. I can give her a good home with her own room in a drug free , smoke free environment. I don't do drugs, I don't even really use bad language around her. She and I talk about what's going on with her, I listen, she's at an age where she needs me. I'm just so frustrated with this whole damn mess. That's what it is. A huge freakin mess. I don't wish any of those people ill will. I want my daughter that's all. I want her to live with me where I know she can be healthy and happy and well adjusted. She told me over the summer that her dad told her one day he hoped that she could sit down and smoke some pot with him. What kind of dad does that? who the hell says that to their kid? Not me. It's just ridiculous. I don't want my kid to waste her life and do drugs and live at home when she's in her 30's. That's all there is to it. I wish someone besides me had the balls to just call cps and report his drug use so they would take her out of the home and place her with me.

I really don't want to do this homework today. Yeah this blog is nothing deep, it's just me procrastinating. How exciting is that? Not. Thats how exciting it is. I'm tired of finding rhetorical devices and fallacies. I really am. I don't want to know what makes a persuasive argument. I don't know when I am going to appy that. I am not going into business. Sure Administration might need some of that but COME ON. stupid rhetoric. blah. I'm sure this all sounds less than trivial or fairly ignorant but I'm running out of steam and just need a break. My winter break doesn't start for another 3? maybe 3 weeks and that seems like such a long time right now.

What was a saying about ranting?

I freakin hate hate hate the idiots that I have to deal with. They have no concept of family from a realistic stand point. They think only about what they want and not whats best for every body. it makes me sick. It makes me want to pull my hair out. It's not good for me to be this stressed out. You know I have NO issue with people who need state aid , I mean NEED it. But for some mother fucker who works a slack ass job and lives with people , not roommates family, for a small rent of 100 bucks a month and cant bother to pay it all the time because why? because the worst thing that will happen to him is he'll get yelled at. Needs state aid why? To pay for food ? he has a job less rent than ANYONE but where does his money go? Pawn shops to keep his musical equipment from getting sold because he pawned it for drugs and to buy pot. Seriously, wtf? But he is the better parent and surely should be raising an almost teenager. How the hell does this happen? I don't do drugs, I pay my bills as well as I can, I send money when I can for her and thats another thing that chaps my hide, I have to send it through the bureau of child support or write checks to his aunt because I can't trust him to spend the money on my daughter. How freakin sad is that? I bought her a new computer for christmas last year and the only thing I asked him was to get her a printer. Has he? No, guess who is buying her a printer for Christmas this year? Yeah thats right , me. It makes me wonder if he bought her anything last year. I gave her money to get more school clothes at the end of the summer than I had already bought (500 dollars worth) and what does the money get spent on? a nintendo DSI for her. WHY? because he can get a voucher from the state to get her clothes. That is such a gross abuse of the system that is set up to help people who are really in need. Worst part of this is, I was getting ready to start the ball in motion so that she could come live with me, turns out because he kidnapped her and took her to wv without my consent in the first place and the state had to file a child support order against me adn I couldn't go down there when the hearing was and show that he shouldn't even have her because I had NO WAY to get to west virginia, guess what, I don't even have established parental rights, I found this out this week, so I have to establish those first and I , yes me, I have to take a parenting class. Because you know the fact that I have two very well behaved children in my custody shouldn't be proof enough that I'm not too bad at this parenting thing. But I cant do anything because I have to wait til I have this baby because everytime I start talking to lawyers and such I start to cramp up and my god I am NOT going to have a miscarriage because of getting stressed out because people are stupid fucks and can't see that when my daughter says she wants to live with me and I have a room for her and live in a good neighborhood and can give her the time she needs with a parent that they think its better to live with her pot head dad and share a room with a grandparent who smokes cigarettes around her often. This makes me freakin crazy. And thats my rant for the day.