yeah I know you guys are probably sick of the pity party I seem to have or my bitching because what kind of person bitches and whines this much right?
Today I turned 37, not a huge freaking deal but I would have thought that maybe some family would have sent cards. I did get a ton of love via facebook though. that was nice. My lovely daughter didn't call me, I got a lame freakin email last minute saying sorry she hasn't called she's been really busy. WTF is that. It would have taken her just as long to freakin call me as it did to send me that stupid email.
It would have meant the world to me since she hasn't called in months. I just get really short ended emails like she's either not allowed to talk to me or has been fed some sort of bullshit about me that would make her not want to talk to me. All I know is that the one thing in the world I wanted today was to hear her voice and know that she's not being all weird. That's it, not too much to ask right?
On top of all this my mother in law neglected to give Tristan and phone and remind him to call me. Just because I wanted to be kid free for the weekend didn't mean that I didn't want to hear from him on my birthday.
You add to that the fact that Rex has been asleep since 9. Yeah, I think I would have done better just going to bed at 8 or not getting my hopes up that maybe he'd stay up and watch a movie with me or something like that.
I guess that was a bit too much to hope for.
I'm just really fucking depressed right now and I know it's probably stupid and probably half because I'm not on my medication. It sucks either way.
Next year I'm not even going to acknowledge that I've gotten older , it's just going to be another day. Then I wont have any reason to be disappointed.
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Your disappointment is justified my little birthday princess! Everyone wants to feel special on their birthdays because we feel it's the one day were aloud to be so selfish. Honey I can imagine how much a call from your daughter and son would have meant to you, and that in itself is disappointing. Then to have your husband fall asleep(whom I'm sure is tired) but still alone at eight on your birthday is kind of sucky. Try to make the best out of every situation even when it's hard to see. I seem like I wine and complain a lot but that's really my way of thinking through my situation. I always try to be positive. It's not easy, I have deep spell myself of depression, anxiety, and panic but I try to stay in control of those thoughts. Sometimes I win, Sometimes I don't but I promise this disappointing day only makes for a fab one tomorrow. :-) love ya girlie
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