Crappy birthday to me

yeah I know you guys are probably sick of the pity party I seem to have or my bitching because what kind of person bitches and whines this much right?
Today I turned 37, not a huge freaking deal but I would have thought that maybe some family would have sent cards. I did get a ton of love via facebook though. that was nice. My lovely daughter didn't call me, I got a lame freakin email last minute saying sorry she hasn't called she's been really busy. WTF is that. It would have taken her just as long to freakin call me as it did to send me that stupid email.
It would have meant the world to me since she hasn't called in months. I just get really short ended emails like she's either not allowed to talk to me or has been fed some sort of bullshit about me that would make her not want to talk to me. All I know is that the one thing in the world I wanted today was to hear her voice and know that she's not being all weird. That's it, not too much to ask right?
On top of all this my mother in law neglected to give Tristan and phone and remind him to call me. Just because I wanted to be kid free for the weekend didn't mean that I didn't want to hear from him on my birthday.
You add to that the fact that Rex has been asleep since 9. Yeah, I think I would have done better just going to bed at 8 or not getting my hopes up that maybe he'd stay up and watch a movie with me or something like that.
I guess that was a bit too much to hope for.
I'm just really fucking depressed right now and I know it's probably stupid and probably half because I'm not on my medication. It sucks either way.
Next year I'm not even going to acknowledge that I've gotten older , it's just going to be another day. Then I wont have any reason to be disappointed.

Fighting on the internet

Is like winning the special olympics.



I'm over it.



I think that if you are going to be nasty with someone over stupid things or even get rid of friends then they were never really your friends to begin with.

I just don't understand

I am so freaking sick of feeling like my heart is being torn out of my chest on a day to day basis. I'm so sick of the fact that my daughter tells me things like her "mawmaw" went through all her emails and then venomously says to her, " you're not going to live with your mom, you can just forget about it" Like I've done something horrible. I can't even begin to imagine what she thinks I've done or whatever that she would be so against my daughter living with me. Something so horrendous that she thinks that Neoma is better of with her drug using dad than me. I can't even begin to think of what that would be. What the hell is wrong with these people?

I swear some people

MY daughters grandmother is trying to keep her from visiting us for spring break because she found out that Neoma wants to live with me. WTF is that all about? I mean seriously? NO you can't see your mom and your brothers because you don't want to live with your dad? How is that even rational? She developed this thought on her own. I've never pushed her to move in with me or want to, she wants to, I don't think anyone should be punished for that. She's a smart girl and see's what's going on around her. Maybe if her dad didn't yell all the time or smoke pot in front of her or sleep when he's supposed to be spending time with her maybe, just maybe she would want to live with him. Fact is, she doesn't. I don't think she should be punished for that AND it's not her "mawmaw's call to say whether she visits with me or not" She is not treated badly or neglected up here. There is no safety reasons why she should be denied her spring break visit. It's all because "mawmaw" doesn't like that maybe just maybe Neoma has her own mind and her own opinions and doesn't want to live with her dad. People really piss me off.
And I'm supposed to be avoiding stress according to my doctor, how can you avoid stress when you're surrounded by people who don't make sound decisions that make sense?